By: Dr. Sharon Fried Buchalter
Stress knows no boundaries - it can find you anywhere. While there can be outside sources of stress we have little power over, we can take steps to reduce the amount of stress experienced at home. Here are 10 ways you can reduce stress at home for yourself and your family.
1. Keep a clean home. Nothing clutters the mind like a cluttered home. Relaxation supports the development and maintenance of a positive attitude; clutter does the exact opposite. Clutter produces anxiety, and anxiety places a negative spin on attitude.
2. Make a special place in your home just for you. Identify one place in your home as your quiet "stress-free zone," where you can be free from distraction. This is the place you go when you feel overwhelmed or over-stressed. This special place can only be used for this purpose! Don't do work from there or make phone calls from there! Learn to be by yourself, in solace.
3. Learn to breathe for relaxation. When you find yourself in your "stress-free zone," take a deep breath in slowly through your nose. When you breathe in, feel your stomach expanding. As you exhale through your mouth, contract your stomach muscles for a count of five. Feel your chest expand as your lungs fill with air. Exhale through your mouth, to the count of five, releasing all of your negative thoughts and energy. Repeat this process over and over again until you feel yourself becoming calmer. Do not jump up and get back into the swirl of things just yet. Take another three to five minutes to examine what thoughts, emotions and reactions you experienced while in your calm state.
4. Listen to music. Music has been documented as an effective tool for stress reduction. You'll be surprised how much it can influence your mood. When you're feeling stressed, pop in your headphones and listen to music you know will make you feel better. It may not click during the first song - give it a few minutes. You'll be singing along in no time.
5. Don't conduct work from your bed.
The only two things you should use your bed for is sleeping and intimate time
with your spouse. While you're at it - turn off the TV, and banish the
Internet. Chronic sleep deprivation is a major cause for stress. If you
distract yourself with work or television in your bedroom, not only have you
destroyed its calming purpose, but you're denying yourself of sleep. Studies
also show that couples who turn off the TV in the bedroom can connect more
intimately - even when there is no sexual activity. Spend this time bonding
with your spouse and getting some much needed sleep.
6. Turn down the volume on arguments. No relationship is without an argument or two. However, if you have children, you must keep your voices down. Children associate shouting with extreme stress. You and your spouse may be arguing over something as minor as household chores, but all your child knows is that you're both angry. Try to argue as calmly as you can with the kids are in earshot. If you're dealing with a serious conflict, have a friend or relative watch the children while you two iron things out.
7. Keep negativity out. You have control over what comes into your household. When you realize that something or someone has a negative effect on your family's energy, block it. Register your number on the "Do Not Call" list to decrease telemarketing assaults. Avoid negative television programming. Discourage "drop by" visits if last-minute entertaining is stressful. You are the gatekeeper of your household and family when it comes to stress and negativity.
8. Get some perspective. So, you haven't responded to a friend's e-mail or forgot to
leave a tip for the paper boy - it's not the end of the world. Often, we end up
creating our own stress by being too demanding or too unforgiving of ourselves.
You aren't perfect (no one is)! Always give yourself some wiggle room when
you've made a mistake. Ask yourself: will this really affect my life in such a
significant way that I should worry about it incessantly? The answer is almost
always "no."
9. Exercise. Stress can be a great supplier of energy. If you're overworked or are over-thinking a situation you can't resolve at the time, go for a walk, go to the gym, clean the house - anything that gets your body moving and your mind focusing on something other than what's bothering you. This can also be a fantastic family activity. Make it a routine to go for a walk in the summer, or go bowling together. Anything that gets you and your family up off the couch not only improves your health, but helps promote bonding and great memory-making.
10. Take a break! Whether you're at work or at home, when you start to feel overwhelmed, walk away! There is no chain holding you to your desk (at least there shouldn't be). Take a moment to walk outside, take a drive, sit quietly in your "stress-free zone," - anything that can take your mind off the stressful task at hand. You may need to get things done, but plugging away when you're too stressed to concentrate actually gets very little done. Take a fiver and come back refreshed.
One of main reasons we feel stressed is because we put a great deal of demand on ourselves. You don't have to be a super-parent whose kids are always smiling and content. Your home doesn't have to be spotless, your yard doesn't have to be the envy of the neighborhood and yes, it's okay to have carry-out for dinner here and there.
One of the best ways to reduce stress is to be less hard on ourselves and simply enjoy the time we have to spend at home with our family. Do everything you can to make your home a calming and safe place for you, your spouse and your children so that no matter what is stressing you out outside those walls can't touch you or your family when you're within them.
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Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, family/marriage therapist, relationship expert and author. Dr. Sharon has developed revolutionary tools to help couples, parents, and families achieve happiness and success. Her new book, New Parents Are People Too: 8 Secrets to Surviving Parenthood as Individuals and as a Couple, provides relationship advice for couples entering parenthood for the first time. Dr. Sharon's tools empower parents to be their own child's life coach and mentor. Visit her Web site at: www.PeopleTooUnlimited.com.
