by Gila Brown, M.A.

Reconnecting is the process of letting go of the ins and outs of daily life while focusing your attention on someone else in order to strengthen the relationship.  While reconnecting with an old friend or family member helps build strong relationships, reconnecting with a child results in so much more. 

A connected child feels secure and confident.  She knows that she is unconditionally loved and, therefore, is able to explore her world free from judgment and fear.   She knows that if she makes a mistake, needs help, or is feeling down, she has support.  Home is a safe place for her and her parents represent a refuge of comfort from the struggles of daily life. 

Consider the time you spend with your kids in a typical week.  How is the majority of that time spent?  What is each family member doing?  What is the general vibe during that time?

Now consider the ideal picture of you and your family.  How does it differ from your current situation?  Is there less arguing?  Is there more understanding and respect towards each other?  Recognizing the gap between the current state of your family and the ideal image in your mind will help you identify the areas in which to focus your energies. 

When the world comes crumbling down around you, the one and only thing that is important is your family.  Take the time to remind yourself of that each and every day.  What are you doing to strengthen your family?  Here are three simple ways you can get started today.

Date Night

"It is a wise father who knows his own child." -William Shakespeare, English poet and playwright      

Consider planning a regular, special Dinner-with-Dad or Dinner-with-Mom Date Night.  You can choose a special restaurant or let it be kid's choice.  You can even dress for the occasion, showing your child how special the time together is for you. 

Leave life's distractions behind, commit to giving your full attention to your child.  Take the time to engage in meaningful conversations.  This is a great opportunity to learn a bit more about what is going on in his life or vice versa.

Aim for feel-good questions.  These are questions that your child will want to answer because they will make him feel good.  This is not the time to question him on whether or not he cleaned his room.  This time together is about strengthening bonds.  Your child needs to feel that he can trust you enough to open up to you.  He needs to trust that you will listen to him and that you are interested in what he has to say, without critique.  He will so appreciate your attention and love, even if he doesn't show it.  Avoid the temptation to use the opportunity to pry out information or offer up your own advice.  There is always time for that later.  For now, just listen. 

If your child is still very small, consider an evening picnic with peanut butter sandwiches in the backyard.  Lay out a blanket and just enjoy the time with your little one, gazing at the stars. 

Cooking

"You should never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato." - Alecia, age 12 

Most kids love cooking and baking.  It allows them to be creative, to make a bit of a mess and to learn.  The kitchen is full of new shapes, colors, aromas and flavors.  It's also a perfect place for them to learn what happens when different ingredients are mixed together. 

Some foods taste good together, others- not so much.  When you use a mixer on a bowl of egg whites, they fluff up like clouds.  When you cook tomatoes long enough, they turn into sauce.  When you put blobs of cookie dough in the oven, the heat makes them spread out into cookies.  There is an endless supply of learning that will take place in the kitchen and it is a great opportunity to teach kids a bit about nutrition.  Kids are also more likely to eat something when they have played a part in making it.

Have your kid choose a recipe from a book that he would want to try.  He can even make a grocery list accordingly, once he (or you) has checked to see what ingredients you already have in the kitchen.  Identify the steps that he is capable of doing on his own, with consideration for his age and developmental stage.  Take out the needed utensils for him (age-appropriate cutlery, please) and allow him to do as much as possible. 

Don't worry if the lasagna looks like tomato soup with mashed potatoes.  That's OK.  Acknowledge your kid's efforts and take a picture of the lasagna for years to come.  If you play your cards right, you might even create your own personal chef. 

Vacation Days

"The best cure for an off day is a day off" - Frank Tyger

To a kid, playing hooky is a very exciting proposition.  They know they're not supposed to do it, but sometimes everyone just needs a day off.  Allowing for this special treat every once in a while will help you build trust with your kid.  She will see that mom (or dad) is an understanding ally and, therefore, she will be more accepting on the days when mom says ‘no'.

Surprise your kid and pick her up from school early, or perhaps right after a particularly difficult test.  Plan a special day activity that you know she will enjoy.  Go to an amusement park, take a scenic drive, go out to her favorite restaurant for lunch. 

Know that tomorrow she will be bragging to her friends about how much fun she had and what a great parent you are.  Show her that you are easy-going, fun-loving, and willing to put the world on hold for her anytime. 

Conclusion

Ultimately, when it is all said and done, what matters most is your relationship with your child.  Avoid having to look back with regret by making the most of the opportunities you have to truly reconnect with your kids today.

Gila Brown, M.A. is a Child Development Specialist and Parent Educator.  Visit her at www.GilaBrown.com for more information.