By Dr. Susan Kuczmarski

Parents can get so busy juggling their children's schedules and their own work and social schedule that they forget to get involved in the "little" things of their children's lives. Slow down and savor those moments together. Limit the outside activities after school. Come home instead and build a fire, listen to it crackle, and drink hot chocolate together. SLOW DOWN.

     I wrote these ideas down one day, and call them the big lessons little children can teach us when we take it more slowly. It's good to revisit them frequently. They are:

Focus on the present-stop doing.

Observe your child's growth.

Enjoy her presence.

Listen quietly too.

Observe her body language.

Check her strengths. Does self-esteem shine?

 Know her needs now. Anticipate what she will need later.

Add hugs.

Connect with one another.

Try to keep things simple.

Give your heart, not your advice.

Be available, present, open.

Establish a spirit of kindness.

Enjoy your life together.

Be open to what might be possible.

See your child slowly forming, then blooming.

     In order for each child to grow properly, you must turn off the television. Pull the plug on the computer. They distract us from a child's growth, like some big noisy fly buzzing about, landing on all signs of life. Appreciate the stillness. Walk outside together. Invite learning. Be open to what her path teaches us. There is an inner experience to parenting. We should seek to know ourselves better and discover our place as parents in the child's garden. A radiant flower can emerge-its beauty totally unperceived until the day it blooms. Perhaps all we can do as parents is to watch a child deeply, listen to her happily, and walk together through her garden with kindness and love.

      There is also tremendous value in what I call "hammock time." This means doing nothing. Daydreaming, hanging out, getting lost in your thoughts, doodling. Call it what you will, it means shifting gears to neutral, forgetting to speed ahead in third or fourth gear. Our culture puts so much emphasis on doing, and children soon pick that up. Then they start doing all those "achieve and succeed" things-from math tests to music recitals-which, more often than not, bring on way too much pressure.

     As parents, it is vitally important for us to allow children to have this special hammock time. Children, like adults, are nourished by introspective time to wonder and dream. Open time is essential for all of us, but especially for children. It provides a balance in their lives. If a week is extremely hectic for a child or parent, and "doing nothing" over the weekend is preferred, then respect this need and do it. Forget about the menu of suggested activities for Saturday.

     Give your child a "shade tree." If you don't have a yard, choose a tree in the park or open an umbrella and pretend. If you have a yard, find a special spot, a quiet place where your child can sit and grow. It becomes her learning tree. Under this tree, she can discover her strengths. She has special dreams and gifts that must be cared for and nurtured. Her strengths can be fed and watered under the shade tree. She needs help keeping her strengths visible. She needs to be told and reminded of her delicious fruit. It is a peculiar fact-we all tend to forget what we're good at doing! The shade tree lets her return to reflect on her fruit, to check whether it has ripened.

     Besides a quiet place, the shade tree gives her a place to reflect. It is here that she can do a "self-check" on her personal growth. She can discover and learn what is best for her. She can experience feelings of competence and independence. Imagine, doing all of this just sitting under a tree!

     Key Message:  Slow down and savor the little things with your child.

Let her sit alone in a hammock or under a shade tree and experience solitude, wonder, and dream.

About the Author: Dr. Susan Kuczmarski is the author of two award-winning parenting books, The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent's Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go and The Family Bond: Inspiring Tips for Creating a Closer Family. Trained as a cultural anthropologist, she has done extensive research directly related to how children learn social skills and how teens become leaders. A frequent radio and television guest, she has been listed in Who's Who in the World for twelve years. Her website is: www.sacredflight.com.